Sound Off!
Michigan Liberal
Doomsday siren
Golf balls
The light industrial shuffle
The state Legislature
Bootable offenses

Things are the catch-all classification of noun that includes everything that isn’t either a place or a person. A mite, for example is a thing. You could also describe a person as a thing. For example, when describing the local dog catcher, you might say, “That thing has a really big net.” But, that phraseology negates the dog catcher as a person, and dog catchers already start from the popular perception that a person is so terrible, stupid or incompetent that we as an electorate wouldn’t elect them to the office. So, let’s not do that.

That classification also works for A Guidebook to Eric… Baerren? Entries that are not people or places are things. A savvy operator might ask, “What’s the deal with Keepin’ in Real in the 989?” The answer for that is that you need to be on the Keepin’ in Real in the 989’s homepage, because you won’t find the answer here. Please see previous paragraph.

An astute observer might note that under the People heading are two entries that should, by way of proper English usage, be classified as things. That would be “Fluff” and “Black,” the two cats who share a home with Eric… Baerren. As cats they are most certainly not people, at least as people defined by membership in the species Homo sapiens. We live in a peculiar age, however, where people regard their pets as members of their family and talk about them as if they are children (we will leave unexplored the important question of whether more people should not put their children on leashes). I am not sure either animal would appreciate the distinction, however, and if you were to put the question to them in a way that might tickle their cognitive abilities to reason, probably the answer you would get would be, “What a boring topic. What would be more interesting is you dicing up some grilled chicken breast for me.”